Victims Aren't We All?

Come break me down..

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 03:45:34 GMT

Relationships are always the hardest thing to deal with in life. You don't want to hurt the other person, but end up giving up your happiness. That's not how it should be. You should be happy when you're with someone, you shouldn't have doubt. When someone can't trust you, it won't work. When you love someone, but feel so unhappy at the same time it's even harder. That's why things ended. Sometimes it's just best to go seperate ways. It hurts, but thats life. There's always another path to walk down.

Grace

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 20:30:07 GMT

My friends Kyle and Ashley had their little girl Wednesday morning. Her name's Grace, she's 6 lbs. She is so beautiful! I love her. :]

It feels so good

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 03:16:24 GMT

Love is when you carve your names in a tree so that you can go back twenty years from now and see how much it grew. And love is when incase that tree is cut down you carve your name into a rock because it will still be standing strong.

If you're dreaming

Sun, 18 May 2008 03:25:53 GMT

Today me and Josh drove to the beach when I got out of work cause it was so nice out. On the ride there we listened to music and sang along a bit, it was a nice ride. At some point a little before we got to the beach, he was leaning on me and I wondered how much it would cost to run away and get married right then. It would make me happy. Other than the fact I'm poor, I wouldn't mind getting married right now. Well, shortly after that thought we got to the beach and oddly, there's a wedding going on there. We set up our blankets and watched the ceremony get set up and proceed. The whole time I kept wondering what our wedding will be like. We stayed around long enough to hear until they had said their vows. It was just so strange that I had thought about that, then there's a wedding going on. Yeah, I know I'm probably crazy for wanting to get married, and that most people think it's just a phase, but it's not. It's truly the real thing with us. I care about him more than anyone could ever know. I would do anything for him. I mean, if he ever needed anything, I'd give it to him, regardless of what it cost me. He's worth it. He is the most precious thing in my world. If anything ever happened to him, I wouldn't be able to deal with it. He is my everything, he's given me plans for the future. He is my future. I love you, Josh.

That's all for now everyone. <3.

Those three words

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 06:11:11 GMT

For once, just once, I'm completely happy. I spent sunday night with Josh. It's so strange that when I'm with him, I feel as though I'm home. I can lay next to him, and sleep. I can smile and laugh with him. I'm completely myself around him. I've never truly been like that with anyone else. I love him. Last night we were talking and watching each other's webcams and I kept smiling cause he was smiling at me, just being able to see him made my night better. When it was time for me to fall asleep, I couldn't stop thinking about him. I thought about all the times I've cried on his chest and he held me and wiped away my tears. I thought about the life we'll have together, the memories we already have, and every single little thing he does for me that shows how much he loves me. I'm truly lucky to have him, and to have this kind of love. We're soulmates. [Laugh if you want, it's true.] No matter what happens he can always make me smile. His heartbeat is like my lullaby, his smile is my light, and his love is my sanctuary. I can't wish for anything else than his love. As long as I have that I'll be alright. I guess what I'm trying to say is - I found the man I'm going to spend my life with. I don't want anyone else. Only him.

A love letter

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 04:24:36 GMT

So I went to leave Josh last night and as I was hugging him goodbye I felt something in my pocket. I reached inside my jacket pocket and found a piece of paper, all folded up. At first I thought it was something I left in my pocket, but then I looked at Josh and he was smiling. Then I realized he had slipped the note into my pocket when I was out of the room. I decided to wait till I went to go to sleep to read it, it's so sweet...

1/31
Ok, so I just finished my geometry test and sat back down when I started thinking about you. It put a smile on my face and brightened up my rather dull day. Just think, this is merely just what the thought of you does to me. Just imagine what goes through my mind when I'm holding you. You told me to write things down that I can't tell you. Well, seeing we're both in school right now, I can't, so that's exactly what I'm doing. I truly hope that you understand how much I love you. You are everything good to me right now. It's amazing being able to share my life with you. You are the sunlight to my days, and the stars to my night. You keep me breathing, angel. I care about you more than anything. It's spectacular feeling your love for me. I wouldn't want it any other way. I love you dearly, Jess.
Love, Josh

Frozen

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 21:17:19 GMT

For no reason I'm in a stange mood. I just went through all my old livejournal posts. I'm wondering where Josh is, since he usually comes on when he gets home from school at 2:30, who knows, maybe he's sleeping or didn't go to school today. I love him, yes I do. I know, cliche cause I've said it about everyone else. But yeah, this time it's real. He's a good kid, we get along well, his mom loves me, my mom loves him. It's all going very well. I just wish I knew why I'm in this strange mood, it was a good day. It still is a good day, there's just this weird feeling around me. Hm, I probably won't figure it out. I'm staying over Josh's tomorrow so I can go to the hospital with him Thurday morning. [He's having an endoscopy]. Well I hope the results come back fine for that and everything. I also hope everyone's doing well, because I dont see/ talk to anyone much anymore.

-Jess

Finally, love.

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 04:21:13 GMT

So, finally. I found the guy I'm meant to be with. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone. I can comfortably speak about anything with him, I can talk about the future and not get all nervous or think it's too pushy. I mean, from the exact moment we met we've been comfortable together. One look, and we were perfectly comfortable with each other. It was amazing and so unexpected, I usually don't talk to people much the first time I meet them, let alone hold onto them or anything.

Is it possible to love someone this much? I was so depressed before I met him, I even had a few breakdowns and now everything is fine. The only time I cry is when I think about if something were to happen to him, or when I worry about him. But that's just because I can't stand to think someday I wont be able to listen to his heartbeat again. I want to be with him always, I don't want anyone or anything else.
I love Josh, yes I do.

-Jess

Labor Day Weekend

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 20:03:26 GMT

By far this has been the best weekend of my life. Or at least that I've had in a long time. Saturday I hung out with Kimi and Ed at Ed's house. We went swimming and hung out, then I stayed over Kimi's that night and baked cookies. Sunday afternoon I had a family dinner with Kimi's parents, brothers, and grandparents. Then I worked for a few hours. Monday, today, we [Me, Kimi, Ed and Lenn] went to the beach in Old Lyme. It was Lenn's first time going to the beach so it was cool. He kept saying he liked how the sand felt and how cool it was there. All of us even went for a walk on the beach so that Kimi and Lenn could collect shells. It was so much fun today, I wish it didnt end. But that's ok I'm sure its not the last time we'll all go out. He's funny and well... interesting to say the least. But we'll see how all that goes. For now all I have to commemorate this day is a few pictures and some bite marks. lol.
-Jess

College & Car

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 20:23:44 GMT

Well life has been interesting. I've decided to take time to have fun and keep intouch with friends the best I can while my life becomes increasingly busier. I'm having a bit of trouble with my relationship, but oh well, I'm not going to stress about it. Anyway; back to the subject of this post....

I bought a car!!

Classes I'm gonna take this semester at Tunxis;
Monday/Wed -
Humanities: 1-2:15
Elementary Algebra: 3:30-4:45

Tues/Thurs -
General Bio: 5-6:15 [Lab 6:30-9:10 Thurs.]

Online -
Composition

-Jess

I miss...

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 00:15:36 GMT

I miss when everyone used to hang out and have fun on friday nights. Or anytime in general. I find myself sitting around thinking about the nights that everyone would go out and have fun more and more often. I dont know why, maybe it's just my way of trying to hold onto what I have. I miss sitting in Denny's with Will, Mindi and Sean. I miss the crowded nights at DM when you always knew some one and could always find someone to talk to when you needed them. I miss the feeling that I'm not replaceable and that people cared. I'm not saying that I dont get that feeling from anyone anymore, but it's just not as strong as it used to be. I guess expecting people to keep their relationship with you the same while your own relationships change isn't a reality. Anyone I dont talk to as often as I should, or used to, I'm sorry. You know I love all my friends and you're all close to me. Even if it's not as close as I'd like to be. I just wish I could keep things the same. I'm feeling desperate as I realize people are slipping away from me, and I just can't bare losing anyone. Whether it's because they're moving, or I just simply won't see or talk to them them as often anymore... I needed to say all this.
-Jess

Death

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 17:27:54 GMT

So I wake up at 11:30 to my Dad calling me. I answer the phone and the first thing he says is "I just stopped my grandma and grandpa's, they told me about little grandpa (My mom's dad) I'm sorry..." and I'm like "What about him? what are you talking about?" and he quickly asks if he can talk to my mom. So I had my mom the phone and I ask my mom's boyfriend what's going on and he tells me my grandpa died this morning. My mom didnt want to wake me up by telling me that, but it happened anyway. So I curled up in a ball under my blankets and just stayed there until she came in and explained he died in his sleep. I guess when the nurse went in to check on him this morning he had already passed. At least it was in his sleep, and I guess he had alot of people come to visit him yesterday, so I hope he went knowing he was well loved and cared for. I just feel bad that I wasnt able to visit him. I'm going to miss him, and his asking how the weather is outside and telling him we'd take him outside when he got a little better so he could see the flowers and stuff - cause when we told him that he looked so happy... I'm so sad. I miss him, and there's nothing I can do to make anything feel any better.

James DePinto - I'll miss him.

My Strange Dream

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 15:25:10 GMT

It starts out involving me and my friend Anthony going back to elementary school (Which the version of it in my dream is from dreams i had along time ago, kinda old fashioned looking) to just see how its changed and as I walk through the rooms, they're exactly the same as I remember and I start crying and remembering all these sad things and wander through the rooms. In one room I stop and kneel down to stop and think, and i hear a tiny sneeze and i say bless you and it's a little mouse type critter (Also a character from an old dream, only she is older now) and I'm all surprised to see her and I pick her up and am like "you're still alive? It's been such a long time..." and start crying again and the mouse says back "I'm very old now... but I had to say goodbye..." and she turns to dust in my hands and it floats away, and I just sit there crying, with Anthony watching from the other room...

Blah.

Sat, 31 Mar 2007 12:43:56 GMT

So I got some bad news about my grandfather the other day. He's 84 and my mom took him to the hospital the other day, when the doctor examined him he said he has emphysema and when they took his weight he turned out to only weigh 103 lbs. The doctor also said he had a mass in his chest which they were going to do tests (MRI, Ultrasound, Etc.) yesterday. Well, today my mom went to the doctor and it turns out the masses have spread to his Lungs,Liver, Adrenaline glands, Kidneys.... basically everywhere but his brain. They are planning on doing a biopsy soon to find out if they're cancerous or not - but they more likely are.

Also, my dad hurt his back the other day and has to go to physical therapy now.

Ugh, As I get better everything else gets worse. I just thought I'd let everyone know what's going on in case I don't seem like myself.

-Jess

Omg.

Sat, 03 Feb 2007 23:17:03 GMT

It's Mindi's birthday! Happy birthday Mindi!!!!

New Yr

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 16:55:43 GMT

Happy New Years Everyone!

Christmas

Tue, 26 Dec 2006 16:40:22 GMT

Here's a list of what i got:

iPod nano
Claddagh ring
The Crow: Wicked Prayer
A Perfect Circle - Mer De Noms
Korn - Greatest Hits Vol.1
$25 to Hot Topic
$150 cash altogether
Bath Stuff
Phone Card
WoW Game Card
Candy

Sean's parents also got me and him matching "Rogues Original Gankstas" tshirts =P
And thats about it. <3

Yay

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 20:26:41 GMT

Today's my 17th birthday!

Family Values

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 15:58:33 GMT

For Seans birthday I bought him tickets to the Family Values concert with Korn, Deftones, Stone Sour, Dir En Grey, and Flyleaf. We got lost for about 2 hours total... we ended up in Wethersfield on the way there.But we made it. It was awesome. And even though we had seats in the pavilion we ended up staying on the lawn with Shannan, Tyler, Rob and Stef. It was fun, especially when that random drunk guy came over and started talking to Sean. After about five minutes Me, Shannan and Stef decided to save Sean and all walked over and hugged him and the drunk guy was like "I have to go." Lol. During Dir En Grey I took Shannan down to me and Sean's seats so she could see it better, and for the last song or two I sent Stef to sit with Shannan. At least the seats were used for a while. At one point Rob went into the pit and got thrown around. It was like watching a tree get blown around in the wind. Lol. During Korn all of us were standing up and screaming and headbanging. Stef and I even sang Twisted Transistor to each other when it was being played. The Last Song they played was Blind and thats when Sean got really crazy. It was like "Eep, I'm scared." He started moshing with Rob and I was standing next to them so I was afraid I'd get shoved down the hill or something. Lol. We all had fun. Oh and we got lost going home too. We wended up going on 84 East and saw signs saying "Boston" and "Providence", so we decided to get off the highway in South Windsor. Well after a few we got on 91 South and made it home. Such a fun day!

^-^

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 10:16:30 GMT

If you comment on this post:
1. I’ll respond with something random about you.
2. I’ll challenge you to try something.
3. I’ll pick a color that i associate with you.
4. I’ll tell you something i like about you.
5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I’ll ask you something i’ve always wanted to ask you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours.

Pirates

Sat, 15 Jul 2006 17:33:09 GMT

So apparently Steve wins. He got me to go see Pirates of the Caribbean... When I told Sean he was all like "Sure dont see it with me" lol. It's not my fault every time he wanted to see it I couldnt go. Oh well. It's an ok movie, I would've liked it alot better if my knees and back didnt hurt from the seats >.O And today is Cayla's party. Should be fun. I bought her lots of plastic utensils. (Dont ask, long story) And some of those little umbrellas they give you with cocktails. Lol, It's gonna be interesting I sent her some weird techno songs she's gonna play. Whoot, just hope my back doesnt hurt too much so that i can :Dance:
-Jess

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 02:35:15 GMT

So, today I completed the goal of reading all of Mindi's 720 some odd LJ entries... took me around 3 hours. Yay, DM tomorrow. I'll be hangin out with Mindi. =]

Oh and I had the weirdest dream last night:

Ok, It started out with Me, Meg, and Mindi walking around downtown. Then we decided that was boring and we should have a party, so we walked to some house and got some things ready. Thats when Amanda and Sam showed up. We all walked outside and were walking up this big hill and to some abandoned looking building. (This is where it gets odd.) And we walk in, but Me and Sam lose everyone else and we're in like this parking garage type place. We decide to climb in the house through this broken window and when we get in the room everything in this house has a yellowish tint to it. We sit down on this old couch and this girl walks in, (she looks like the girl from the ring) and she extends her hand to me and I go to shake it and she grabs my wrist instead. And I'm like "What the?" Thats when Sam says "That way nothing gets on you." And I look at her and notice there's this white powder all over her hand and up her arm, which I realize is cocaine. So I look down and its all over my hand. Suddenly she looks towards the door and we hear glass break. The girl looks back at us and says "Move!" and we run up these broken stairs, because apparently the cops are raiding the house. (The house is apparently some big drug place.) And Me and Sam run into this room where the wall paper is peeling,the windows are all boarded up and there's broken glass everywhere. The cops run by the window and then I hear a scream and everything goes black. That's when I woke up.
Pretty messed up, I know there were a few more parts to it. I'll add them if I remember them.

Burn An X In Your Head

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 03:48:34 GMT

So, I had my last final yesterday. My junior year is now over and I'm a little worried cause I dont know what I want to do for college or anything. Well I still have a while to figure that out.

Silhouettes

Sun, 28 May 2006 14:33:20 GMT

Yea, so nothing really important has happened since my last entry. I went over Meghans last Sunday and hung out with her, Mike, Mindi, Will and Sean. That was cool and all. (Read the convo between me and Meghan in the cut)

AlwaysMyLove666: you missed it, as soon as we got outside sean and will heard siren that they said sounds like the silent hill one, so they freaked, ran to the car, rolled up the windows.... went thru 2 or 3 stop signs and were all like "pyramid head" and freaking then when driving thru the woods they were like i hope meg and mindi are ok

Auto response from MdnghtDragon: this is the away message that will puts up for meg when meg isnt at her computer.

MdnghtDragon: LOL
MdnghtDragon: You guys are WIERD
AlwaysMyLove666: and proceeded to freak out for the whole ride, so that i got paranoid too.. so when i got home i made sean walk me to the door, as soon as i said goodbye sean looked at me and said 'i hope you know im running back to my car' and he did.
AlwaysMyLove666: i was all walkin slow to the car and they ran and were yelling GET IN THE CAR!
AlwaysMyLove666: and they bolted
AlwaysMyLove666: lol
MdnghtDragon: xD
AlwaysMyLove666: but they were so paranoid about it it freaked me out
MdnghtDragon: lol
MdnghtDragon: Did you see Silent Hill?
AlwaysMyLove666: no
AlwaysMyLove666: but what they were telling me scared me cuz they were so serious
AlwaysMyLove666: first thing sean says when i get in 'thats it im out of this fucking town'
MdnghtDragon: xD
AlwaysMyLove666: like sean was panicking
AlwaysMyLove666: so scary
MdnghtDragon: xD
MdnghtDragon: They are so wierd.

Fuck Easter

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 17:09:58 GMT

Yeah, Depressed. Thats all there is to it.